Well, it's now January 1st 2010. I'm sitting at my computer at home by myself, with somewhat of a teary disposition... Second, or is it third, new year's i've spent by myself; with no one to turn to; no one to kiss; no one to love, or to love me.... What is wrong with me???... Nothing I think; but something must be.... I work hard, I study and am reasonably well educated... I have a degree, I'm doing postgraduate work, I have friends, I laugh, I tell jokes, I'm there for my family and for my friends.... And yet it's almost as if I'm an untouchable..... A leper- undeserving of love and affection... The people in my orbit expect me to give of myself- and I do.... but none of it comes back....
I yearn for love too... I yearn to be someone's first choice..... I yearn.......
I've promised myself that this is the year when I come into my own... When I'm the one who is taken care of; the one who people think of first..... But I am almost certain that a pattern has been set.... There's a saying - what you put out into the atmosphere is what you get back!! I've been putting out confidence and emotional strength and compassion.. Love and sharing and financial assistance... But none of it has come back to me... Am I going to turn into one of those sad cat women????
Is there anyone out there who loves me? Who cares about my needs before their own in the way that I do others??
My new year started with me no longer having a shoulder to lean on.... I am terrified of going under before I achieve something good and exemplary out of my life.....I want.... a real life; not this pale illusion i've been subsisting on... Is there anything out there for me???? someone who'll be that wind beneath my wings??? I'm losing hope and where it was bitterness is creeping in... What can i do to stop it???? Happy new year to me:(
I yearn for love too... I yearn to be someone's first choice..... I yearn.......
I've promised myself that this is the year when I come into my own... When I'm the one who is taken care of; the one who people think of first..... But I am almost certain that a pattern has been set.... There's a saying - what you put out into the atmosphere is what you get back!! I've been putting out confidence and emotional strength and compassion.. Love and sharing and financial assistance... But none of it has come back to me... Am I going to turn into one of those sad cat women????
Is there anyone out there who loves me? Who cares about my needs before their own in the way that I do others??
My new year started with me no longer having a shoulder to lean on.... I am terrified of going under before I achieve something good and exemplary out of my life.....I want.... a real life; not this pale illusion i've been subsisting on... Is there anything out there for me???? someone who'll be that wind beneath my wings??? I'm losing hope and where it was bitterness is creeping in... What can i do to stop it???? Happy new year to me:(